Bully Free Zone

I never thought that I would have to deal with bullying until Silas was much older. I had already accepted the fact the he would indeed get bullied at some point in his life because he is different. It seems commonplace in society today for people to get bullied. The mere fact that a person makes fun of another person and belittles them in order to make themselves feel better or for amusement is utterly baffling to me. Sometimes, I will agree with those out there, the bullying is not due to those circumstances. Rather, the bully is misinformed or just plain ignorant.

Image

There are so many examples just in the media alone of cases where the bully is picking on someone with a disability.  How could a person do that to someone that either a.) cannot defend themselves or b.) does not know how to defend themselves? That is absolutely ludacris! If you have a moment take yourself on over to google and type in autism bullying or something similar.

Here are a few examples if you are feeling lazy…

http://news.yahoo.com/iowa-town-defends-bullying-of-autistic-teen-203249332.html

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/11/13/dr-manny-we-must-stop-bullying-people-with-autism/

http://www.cnn.com/2012/09/07/health/autistic-kids-bullied-time/

http://www.autismdailynewscast.com/new-survey-highlights-autistic-children-face-a-high-level-of-bullying-in-hertfordshire-schools/5849/snapshot/

http://www.stokesentinel.co.uk/Health-Newcastle-autism-sufferer-Kevin-Healey/story-20438326-detail/story.html

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/survey-finds-63-of-children-with-autism-bullied/

http://www.newson6.com/story/23614893/dad-says-bullying-led-to-autistic-sons-suicide

The whole reason that I am going on the soapbox now is because I realized, at the young age of THREE, my child is being bullied. Silas is not being bullied by what you would think a bully would be like. The other child…is not even THREE!!! From what I was told by Silas’ daycare provider (Silas has been with her for about two years now), is that this other little boy will taunt Silas to upset him and make him scream. This of course has made it to where Silas does not like this little boy. Silas will yell as soon as the other boy comes near him.

Silas’ daycare provider said at first Silas would not do anything when the other little boy would mess with him. For example, Silas carries around a cloth diaper as a comfort item. The other boy would take this from Silas to make him cry. As a repercussion, the daycare provider would of course correct the other child and put him in time out. Eventually, Silas started taking up for himself.

While I do not condone hitting and neither does his daycare provider, we are glad Silas did. When the boy would mess with him, Silas would in return hit the boy. This was important for Silas because he does not have the communication skills to tell the boy to stop. Obviously, the yelling at him was not working. I am, how do I put this….happy Silas is taking up for himself? He needs to learn lessons like this in order to live in today’s circumstances with all of these messed up people and I get that. I sure as hell do not like it though.

Yesterday when I went to pick up Silas I got to witness the other child messing with him first-hand. As I walked into the door the other little boy saw me. He ran over to Silas and started pushing him. Silas swatted him off (he had not seen me yet). Then the little boy started pushing him again. Silas started yelling and once he saw me he burst into tears. Can you guess my initial reaction of what I wanted to do?

I first picked up Silas to get him to calm down but I definitely wanted to yank up that little boy. The daycare provider was explaining to the little boy that what he did was wrong and told him to go into the other room. I bent down eye level with the other little boy while holding Silas and made him tell Silas he was sorry. I then proceeded to tell the little boy I would be speaking to his mother. He started crying. I never did speak to his mother but I plan to. Surely there is a reason as to why this toddler is acting out towards my son. Whatever the reason, this is not okay.

Image

The daycare provider did tell me that Silas grabbed a hold of the other boy’s shirt after being taunted and told him no (which is awesome!). I had a talk with Silas in the car on the way home that day. Whether or not he understood me it does not matter. I felt that I needed to tell him that it is never okay for someone to taunt him or say mean things to him that makes him feel bad about himself. I told him that it is almost guaranteed that he will be bullied in the future but it is up to him how he handles it. I explained to him how awesome he is at everything and that we would continue this talk once he gets older.

This situation still bothers me a lot though. I know that I am not going to be there to have his back all of the time. It is vital for me to able to teach him the appropriate way to handle bullies and their comments. If I could go through life with Silas to scare the shit out of bullies when they tried to mess with Silas I definitely would. I can be vicious, especially when it comes to my child.

If you know someone that is or has been bullied be sure to let them know some of the stuff I mentioned in my short talk with Silas and more. Make sure they know their amazing traits and qualities. Let them know that most bullies are only mean to them because they feel bad about themselves. Most of all, explain to them how important it is to not take what is said to heart. Humans can be very cruel creatures. The one part of bullies that I am sure some will disagree with me on is that if someone hits you…you better hit back and defend yourself. I was raised by the following saying, “If someone messes with you and hits you, you better win.” If you defend yourself the chances of them continuing to mess with you are much less. It is when you go silent and take their abuse that it continues.

I really just want to tell all future people that come into contact with Silas…..

”Don’t mess with my child or you’ll deal with me.”

 Image

Advertisements

About Tomonica

Hi, I'm Silas' mom and this blog is simply to document our journey with autism. There will be topics such as how our journey began, what certain aspects of autism are, therapies, successes and failures, as well as sometimes just my craziness. I hope you enjoy reading this and perhaps learn something useful.

Posted on January 15, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Yes you were raised with respect for others and I never saw otherwise. In retrospect I do not want to see my grandson be the on the other end of someone elses anger or mis-behavior. I hope Silas will one day understand that others are cruel and hurtful because they have been bullied or mis-treated. I know he will learn to take care of himself and you are the best teacher for that…Remember…Who is that little bitch in the back? Well I know first hand you can be and will be when it comes to Silas….I “always” was when it came to my children. Teach him well and what is right…can’t go wrong with that.

  2. This makes me so sad. Tears in my eyes sad. I am so afraid of bullying. It’s not fair all the extra worries that come with this parenting stuff! I am super impressed with how Silas handled it. Wow. You got one tough cookie there. I know what you mean about being there to protect them. I wish I could do it every single second. Be strong mom.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: